Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Wordless Wednesday - Stevie Nicks

This is one of my absolute favorites. It brings tears to my eyes when I hear her sing this so beautifully. I hope you enjoy it.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Salvation Army Goes High Tech

This year you may notice a new element at the big red kettles as you do your shopping. The Salvation Army is trying to adjust to the times. The bell ringers are now accepting credit cards!
Donations this year have decreased by 10%, although the demand for the charitable organization's help has increased by 25% due to the economy. They are seeing many of the middle class who suddenly are out of jobs and in need to try and get back on their feet.
One of the reasons for the decline in donations is that people tend not to carry cash anymore, I know I don't. It's rare for me to have cash in my wallet, I just don't need it. In years past folks would pay for their purchases, get some change back, and leave the store. Many times they would drop their change straight into the red kettle. Not so these days.
The Salvation Army is also accepting gift card donations, used or unused. They send them to a company in California where the cards are converted into cash.
Most charitable organizations are feeling the pinch and scrambling to come up with new ways to fund their programs. So remember that those few pennies or that gift card that you haven't used can make a big difference this year.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Isn't Fraud Illegal?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Well, there is good news and bad news about my Christmas decorations. The good news is that I truly outdid myself this year. The bad news is that I had to take them down after only two days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories. But two things made me take it down. First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove be. Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the ladder and almost killed herself putting it up against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she was nearly at the top (she was not happy). She was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove into my yard. I think I made him too real this time. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Year's Dumbest Criminals

* Adan Juarez Ramirez had it all figured out-he could become a cop without having to take the boring test. But he was arrested in Grapevine, Texas, after pulling over a driver in his pickup truck, outfitted with flashing lights. Ramirez even had an ID badge, which he'd made by blacking out a restaurant gift card and etching in the word "POLICE." However, he'd kept the restaurant's logo, a jalapeno pepper, surrounded by the words "Chipoltle Mexican Restaurant".

*Graham Price, of South Wales, ripped off the bank where he worked, but he wasn't completely duplicitous. He left a note in the safe: "Borrowed seven million pounds", signed "Graham Price."

*Christopher Oxley of Everett, Washington, was arrested for conducting a drug seal over the phone-in the bathroom of the Everett Police Department.

*Callie Rough of Middletown, Ohio, was picked up for shoplifting from a Dollar General Store with her two young children in tow. Among the booty was a book "101 Ways To Be A Great Mom".

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Christmas Greetings!

My Christmas greeting to all of you! Grace, if this doesn't make you holly and jolly........

Merry Christmas......

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Click to see a larger image or put your glasses on!

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Julian Beever - Amazing Street Art

Santa Claus

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus all got into the elevator at a hotel. As the elevator traveled from the 5th floor down to the ground level, one by one they noticed a $100 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked up the $100 bill and handed it in at the reception desk? Why Santa, of course, the other two don't actually exist!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Black Friday on Wordless Wednesday

Monday, November 23, 2009

Darwin In The Loo?

This year marks the 200th anniversary of Charles Darwin's birth. It also is the 150th anniversary of the publication of the famous work "On the Origin of Species" by Darwin.

Christie's auction house in London will be auctioning a rare first edition of this book, one of about 1,250 copies first printed in 1859. It is expected to sell for about $99,000!

The book was discovered recently in the spot where it has been resting, probably unread, for many a year. It has been on a bookshelf in the guest bathroom at a family's home in Oxford, England!

I think I have a rare 1999 copy of Reader's Digest in my bathroom. Only a couple of pages are torn, might be a coffee stain on it. I also have a People magazine, worlds sexiest man, stuck together with hair spray. I guess my family is not as well read as the one in Oxford. Yeah but, as we all know, "Laughter Is The Best Medicine".

Sunday, November 22, 2009

The Rabbit Test

The LAPD, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.

They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.

After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.

They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "OKay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

Thursday, November 19, 2009


"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one wasted man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." - John Adams

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Growing Older

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Bird Droppings

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Dance Like No One Is Watching!

Friday, November 13, 2009

Funny Lady

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Male Stripper

Last week, my friends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy gyrates over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy's egging me on to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? Then the marketer in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80, and went home....

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Dumb and Dumber and Tequila Shots For All

Monday, November 9, 2009

What's In Your Wallet?

Dear Abby,

I have been engaged for almost a year. I am to be married next month. My fiance's mother is not only very attractive but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire wedding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it had grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be. When I got to her place, we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred...then she floored me. She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me.

Then she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with this situation.

I headed straight out the front door.................................................
There, leaning against my car, was her husband, my father-in-law to be. He was smiling. He explained that they just wanted to be sure I was a good kid and would be true to their little girl. I shook his hand and he congratulated me on passing their little test.

Abby, should I tell my fiance what her parents did, and that I thought their "little test" was asinine and insulting to my character? Or should I keep the whole thing to myself, including the fact that the reason I was walking to my car was to get a condom?


Sunday, November 8, 2009

Safety First

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Dumb Ads

For Sale By Owner: Complete set of encyclopedia Brittanica. 45 volumes. Excellant condition. $1,000. or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.

For Sale: Hope chest, brand new, half off, long story.

Full sized mattress, 20 year warranty, like new, slight urine smell.

Nordic track-hardly used, call Chubby.

Nice parachute-never opened, used once.

Tired of working for only $9.75 per hour? We offer profit sharing and flexible hours. Starting pay $7.00 - $9.00 per hour.

Open House: Body Shapers Toning Salon - free coffee and donuts!



A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. i used to baby sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire stat. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselers to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"

Health Care Reform Bill

The House is expected to vote sometime today on President Obama's Health Care Reform Bill. The President and his staff have been busy working the phones to garner support and guarantee a positive outcome for this $1.2 trillion bill. The President is expected to make a visit today to the house to increase pressure on the wavering house members.

The republicans are expecting to bring in 177 votes against the bill and democrats need to bring in 218 votes out of the possible 258 dems in order to secure a victory.

At midnight on Friday night there was an agreement reached to insert tougher legislation into the bill regarding abortion despite fervent opposition by the pro-choice liberals.

Some are saying that last Tuesday's vote that ousted 2 democratic governors suggests that people care far more about jobs than about growing the size of government. What say you voters?

Friday, November 6, 2009

A little bird will be dropping here very soon!

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